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I don’t know.

Life have been rolling onto a deep cliff recently.


With people dismissing trust and betraying my trust, where I have not been?

I’ve been there, all.

All of them.

Every place where they cook an aesthetic ether or even to the place where they drink the holy blood.

But all I have been, so far is a witness.

I’ve witness the fall of many great friends as well as witnessing many great achievement of them.

But where I am?

I’m leaving a trail but it’s not significant to be called a pathway. No one want to walk my way. If given a choice, maybe I won’t myself.

But maybe I’ve been so full of dreams and proud. But as my hair start to lose its colour, my pace get slower and my dream remain a dream.

I was once saying that I will eat meat and meat alone will satisfy me. But due to my condition, I have to start eating fruits and vegetables and I love it, goes against my own words 

That’s just not the case. That’s what happened in many of other departments in my life as well. Romance. Career. Friendship. Almost everything.

Everything start to go against my own word. I’m not “kami-sama” anymore. My grace have started to disappear. How I wish this was just the calm weather before a very heavy storm. I mean the storm is my gracefulness and my power, motivations. But so far, that’s not the case.

So I’ve been lying down looking at the ceiling. Perhaps I should open some of my childhood song such as “Season in the Sub” or something along that era to give in to the mood.

I want to talk to someone, but everyone not in the same page anymore. I’ve been at the end of the book. I’ve lost any interest. Either I have to re-read the book or just close it. There’s no other books on the self, it’s just me and the book. As same as that. So when I wanted to talk about the book, everyone will prevent me because everyone hate spoiler. Don’t they? So my excitement fade in the thin air of the cold night.

This is just a wild reflection of myself because I can’t sleep.

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