Neh, can I take you back to when you were still just a kid?

How was that time?

My childhood was not perfect like in Disney movies or any children’s television show.
It’s kinda dull and full of unfulfilled desires and regrets.

Most of the time was because of the desire that I have been induced by friends and cousins around me.
When I asked my parent and then when they cannot help me to fulfill those because of financial challenges, I usually sulked out.
And that’s the regret that I have.

Only if I can understand that time, I know I won’t sulk out but instead, try to cheer my parent when they were not able to give what other parents can give to their children.
Especially my mother.
I can understand what she’ve been through all this while.
But I can’t do anything to remedy the situation we have.

Maybe you wondering why?
Because I’m not really an opportunist and not really a massive action taker.

But that will change.

I can’t let my future children have unfulfilled desires and a lack of cultural identity like me.

I won’t let my future wife be holding it inside when suffering with me.
Of course, she must be the best woman I’ve met that deserves even half of my kingdom, and she will be given.

My first choice ambition when I grow up, I want to be . . .

First of all, I want to be a pilot.
I have a great passion for aviation and something that fly.
I always imagine how it feels to fly without using an airplane but just your body and some supernatural power like Superman.
Thus why my favorite spot to chill out when I’m alone was on top of the tree, staring at the white fluffy clouds on that grand blue canvas and imagining I was there on top of the cloud.
That was my fancy imagination when I was still a kid. 🙂
I wonder if you have some fancy imagination too?

But my sight was bad since I was born because of the irregular eyeball shape.
Astigmatism.
That one word explains it all.
And there goes my ambition to become a pilot saying goodbye to me like a sailor on the Titanic ship that never ever to come back again.

Even after accepting the bitter truth that no way I can become an aviation pilot, my passion for flight is still strong as steel.
Aviation and flight are connected strongly to the world of science and that makes my interest in science bloom.
At 8 or 9 years old, I already understand most of the science concepts and feel thrilled with the “magical world” of science such as making DIY barometers, making hot air balloons, and as well a scaled paper airplane that really can fly based on Bernoulli’s principle.
My, at that age I already know how to do weather forecasts based on the clouds and air pressure of my place.
I feel like a wizard.
Only after science subject was introduced in class during I was 11 years old then I understand what I’ve done before was called science instead of “magic”.
Funny, eh? 😀

So I put my next ambition to become a scientist.
I want to create an awesome invention that can bring human life to a better future.

But that passion died when I took a step into the university world.

It’s just died.
I don’t care about any formulas or physics principles anymore though if I want, I won’t need so much effort to study them.
But of course, since I don’t have the passion anymore on it, I can’t understand more deep science for example how to make a small nuclear reactor as small as a cup of coffee that can run your laptop for 75 years.

But I still have the touch in making electronic gadgets if I want to.

So what do I want to be actually?
Let me continue in the next paragraph then.

Passion in music and arts . . .

Now, let’s get back to when the time I was 8 – 9 years old when I discovered science.
That was the time I discovered the cassette players and audio recording too.
That was also one of my hobbies to record songs from the radio as well as mix them on a “mix tape”.

Remember the unfulfilled desire that I sulked out about?
That was the time when I asked to get myself my own musical instrument.
No. I didn’t get it.

My first formal musical instrument is the flute.
But that is because it’s a formal lesson at school.

I got my very first own guitar in the year 2001.
That was 15 years ago by the time I write this. 🙂
And I am using my own money to buy it.
It’s the money I got as an appreciation for having good grades at school.
Our school motivates their student with cash and certifications if they have good grades.

The guitar cost around RM70 (USD$15) and the brand is Dragonfly.
A dirt cheap low quality guitar.
But I was very happy with it and treasure it like it’s my best friend.
That guitar still exists, but unplayable.
I might restore it to become playable again one day, but now it just stays in my parent’s house storage space.

I have three not-so-expensive guitars today.
1 bass guitar, 1 electric guitar, and a shiny new acoustic guitar.
These are my treasure.
I make my music with them and will never sell them.

Today, instead of wanting to become a pilot or mad scientist.
I really want to become a professional musician.
Singer-songwriter to my own band.
A solo career will be good too.
Not sure if I can achieve that dream anymore, but I never put stop to my effort.
It’s just that the reality we need a proper job, and that job happen to be not a musician job.

Well, actually I have had a musician job as a music teacher before but it’s not in show business.
It’s more in the education business where you can’t have that “rock” spirit sell you better pay.
And in the educational field, when the student doesn’t show any progress because their doesn’t practice at home, who to blame if not their teacher right?
Their children will never be the stupid lazy ass that doesn’t practice at home.
Customers are always right.
Right? 😉

What have I done so far?

I’ve tried releasing one song under the name of a virtual band before.
The idea is to copy the success of another virtual band called Gorillaz.
This project is called Sun of the Dawn.
I admit this project come close to the end of its life span.
I’m thinking to abandon this project altogether.
But there’s an attachment to it, so I will still let the official website stay online forever.

Another attempt is to use Vocaloid to produce my songs.
That is VzerMY.
But the momentum of this project is not so big that I was thinking to stop after achieving the milestone I lay out on the VzerMY official website and start a new project again.
I will still keep this side of the project alive but I don’t think I want to put so much effort ALONE for a GROUP project.

What’s my next plan?

Just be me.
Sing my own songs.
Record everything on my own.
Publish them.
Maybe collaborate with some awesome music producers like MonsterKID and the several good ones that I met during the VzerMY project.

I want to retire as a millionaire though.
Of course, besides the music business, I want to do as much as possible something in the creative media industry.