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Unfulfilled Desire

by Feb 6, 2016Life, Writings0 comments

I’m always lacking in term of “that little thing”, let’s call it the “moon and star”.

Since I was a young age, I was always envious with those who always have their own moon and star with them. Some of them even showing off how bright their moon and star shines.

What I can do is to feel happy for them for they’re mostly not strangers but are friends of mine.

But sometimes you will just want to ask yourself.

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Why everyone else have their own moon and star and I’m the only one who have nothing to show off.”

“I want to feel proud too!”

Lacking of something we desire do makes us cold. From there I’ve get used to be walking in the dark because I was never know how it will be if I have my own moon and star. Let’s not say about the moon and the star. The sun himself are too bright for me to look at. So I end up to always dancing alone in the dark, hidden place where not even north star can see me. Well, it was comfortable to me.

But then I realized I’ve been too long inside this dark, hidden place. When I come out, everyone that I used to know have gone for good. No one left. What’s left now is strangers that also showing off their own moon and star.

Somehow I felt something died deep within me. I’ve lost that valuable time of my life dancing in the dark, hidden place that even if I have my own moon and star now it will be pretty much useless because a friends that will celebrate with me have gone.

They died.

The thing is, the night is never the same. Even though I’ve come out from that dark, hidden place, I still want my own moon and star.

So much effort have been made to hide from the glaring sun but I’ve never actually try to find out how to get my own moon and star.

I question myself again.

“Why I never thought of actually putting effort to find a way how I can get my own moon and star instead of shying away and wait for miracle to happen?”

Simple answer is because I’m stupid.

But then, everyone doesn’t made equal.

Easy for them not necessarily easy for me.

And easy for me might be the hardest thing for them.

But I don’t want to live in regret.

I want to gave up my immortality and complete the cycle of normal human being with their own moon and star shining upon their dark night.

“Life become so precious because so little that you have.”, Wiguan 2016.

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