I don’t know.

Life has been rolling onto a deep cliff recently.

With people dismissing trust and betraying my trust, where I have not been?

I’ve been there, all.

All of them.

Every place where they cook an aesthetic ether or even to the place where they drink the holy blood.

But all I have been so far being a witness.

I’ve witnessed the fall of many great friends as well as witnessed many great achievements of them.

But where I am?

I’m leaving a trail but it’s not significant to be called a pathway. No one wants to walk my way. If given a choice, maybe I won’t myself.

But maybe I’ve been so full of dreams and proud. But as my hair starts to lose its color, my pace gets slower and my dream remains a dream.

I was once saying that I will eat meat and meat alone will satisfy me. But due to my condition, I have to start eating fruits and vegetables and I love it, goes against my own words 

That’s just not the case. That’s what happened in many other departments in my life as well. Romance. Career. Friendship. Almost everything.

Everything starts to go against my own word. I’m not “kami-sama” anymore. My grace has started to disappear. How I wish this was just the calm weather before a very heavy storm. I mean the storm is my gracefulness and my power, motivations. But so far, that’s not the case.

So I’ve been lying down looking at the ceiling. Perhaps I should open some of my childhood songs such as “Season in the Sun” or something along that era to give in to the mood.

I want to talk to someone, but everyone is not on the same page anymore. I’ve been at the end of the book. I’ve lost any interest. Either I have to re-read the book or just close it. There are no other books on the self, it’s just me and the book. As the same as that. So when I wanted to talk about the book, everyone will prevent me because everyone hate spoilers. Don’t they? So my excitement faded in the thin air of the cold night.

This is just a wild reflection of myself because I can’t sleep.